We are in a 2-3 month season of being busy with sports schedules. It's ok, because we feel like it's what God wants right now. That's how I embrace the running around, and Jeremy being absent for so many hours. His absence is felt most at bedtime when 4 antsy little people aren't ready to settle, and I'm pooped-tired, wanting to escape to a good book or TV show. Patience runs low, mouths are moving, bodies are wiggling....up and down, up and down. But they all need the closeness of me, asking for water, prayers, stories and songs. Me. All by myself. Pulled in four different directions. Not to mention, the bigger ones are waiting downstairs that I long to talk to and just spend some time with. Well, if I get thinking on how tough that is, it just adds to the emotional static of this hour to hour and a half. Preoccupied, too uptight.
One night last week was really tough. One that I truly lacked the strength to give it my heart, and I ended up crying because I just couldn't do it and I blew it. These are moments my feelings deceive me, and there is an enemy that wants me to live in those feelings of failure. I am coming to be more aware of those lies that twist the Lord's true heart toward me. Taking those thoughts captive, I remember His nature, His forgiveness, His promises.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Abide in me and you will bear much fruit.
Let's try it again.
After I gathered myself together, the bedtime songs continued. Do you know how funny it is my children help move me into right thinking? They requested one of their favorite bedtime songs "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart " with their absolute favorite verse to be sung, nice and loud
with confidence is~
and if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack!
And I sang it. Yet again. Though my eyes were still stained with tears, this simple song brought me into His presence with three of my bouncing children singing it along with me.
Yes, ole enemy, go sit on a tack!
I have the Love of Jesus in my heart.
Sometimes people think and say I'm amazing to have so many children. But really I'm not. I'm just like them. But my relationship with a big God has helped me gain in ways I know I can't and couldn't obtain on my own. The love of Jesus is unlike any self help book, parenting philosophy, or self effort I could muster. He leaves the old man rendered useless, and calls me to be a new creation in Him.