Do you ever read or hear grand messages of sacrifice and devotion and realize how far away from that mark you are? I've been reading a book that speaks of such wonderful discipleship to Christ. It's not that a life doesn't desire to live in a purely devoted way, it's all the mess that gets in the way, and it leaves one feeling...unworthy: never good enough, never nice enough, never wise enough, never loving enough, never filled with enough faith. Then, the Christian faith seems to belong more to the hall of fame for the worthy ones. All the ones who get A's next to their names in the above categories, reside there.
I am finding that the answer is not in me whipping myself up into shape to be a fit vessel. The answer lies in resting my willingness, my brokeness, all of it that He alone sees, my weaknesses, and lastly my eyes, upon Him, and into His hands. He alone holds the ability to clean, to renew, to keep, to restore, to sustain. If I try to do it on myself or my loved ones (although I do believe in love He uses us one with the other to build and sharpen our focus), then it is my own creation and work.
Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
12Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
16For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
So today, my peace is resting in His work. I may try to plan my way, but He will order my steps.